Phrases like this put the blame for this incident at her feet. There is only one person ever to blame. The abuser. Excuses of 'I've had a tough day' 'I was drunk' 'I was angry' are not acceptable. I am sure we have all been tired, drunk, angry etc. how many times have we abused our partner because of that?
Domestic voilence is not ok. Nor is it a private matter. No longer is it something that goes on between a man and a women behind closed doors. It is not a private matter. It's a very public subject and should not be brushed aside and not talked about it.
I have recently been fortunate enough to hear a speaker from women's aid. She was truely inspiring. the campaign against domestic voilence doesnt start with encouraging women to leave or with showing men how to manage their anger. It starts with us. Me and you. Do not accept domestic voilelnce. It should be discussed and talked about, not hushed up and hidden away.
The speaker made an excellent comparison;
I bet you can all recall the hundreds of news articles about the horse meat scandle? How many times a day did you discuss this with friends, how many times per day did you concur that it was unacceptable? This was a news story about a small percentage of food being effected by a contamination which we are told should hold no harmful effects for humans. Now, compare this to the media reports of domestic violence. Can you recal the last time you read or heard (prior to Nigella) a report about domestic violence? I can't recall my last time. Now, imagine that approximately two people every week died at the hands of their abuser. Would you consider that to be news worthy? Is that not something more shocking, more worthy of coverage and discussion than the horse meat scandle? Surely if this were true it would be in every newspaper each day? This statistic is real. Two people every week die at the hands of their abuser. What news coverage does this get? Virtually none!
How may people stood up for Nigella? Offered to her some safety, checked if she was ok or called the police if they were too worried to speak up themselves? Apparently non. Not one single person stood to her aid. NOT ONE. Shocking. Imagine that was your mother, daughter, sister, friend, would you not have hoped someone would have helped her? Offered her safety? Instead they sat, ate their meals, continued to serve customers and stood by and allowed this man to continue to abuse his wife.
Has this news story highlighted that women like Nigella should leave their abuser? No. It has highlighted that society still believe domestic violence is just that, a domestic matter, private, acceptable and tolerated.
Until we stand up and provide a voice that domestic violence is not to be tolerated occurrences like this will continue.