Bleeding each time I lower my head below waist height is not helpful. Especially when in charge of a 3 foot child. Bleeding on my beautiful White Company Dressing Gown has resulted in you becoming my least favourite body part.
Yours, covered in blood
Why do you remain strong, long and white right up until the precise moment I decide to treat you to a manicure and then break at the mere thought of any physical tasks. Do you not want to be trimmed, moisturised and painted?
Yours, with short nails
You are enormous. You can not remain so. Leaving me in agony after your you were reunited with my bike will not prevent further outings.
I have treated you to a nice new cushioned seat so please quit your protest and assist me with my bum shrinking plan.
Could you please have a word with yourself and return to your fully working order. I am growing bored of headaches, dizziness and a bleeding nose.
If you insist on making me feel like this then do not come complaining to me when needles are stuck in you and blood taken.